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September 2009 
What are you experiencing right now?
Mona
Pain... sadness. I just found out, not ten minutes ago that a friend passed away. I know that I should be rejoicing - she's in heaven now and no longer in pain... but I'm selfish. I want her here!! I know that God has a plan for everyone... but how could he take someone so young? so full of life? I'm having trouble accepting it.
She was a loving wife and mother and was active in the church. I'm angry... and sad... and terrified! I feel like the world should be stopping... but it's not. I'm angry that her son has to grow up not knowing his mother... I'm heartbroken that her parents lost their only child... I'm terrified because death comes for us all...regardless of sex or race or age or how good someone's heart is. If God could claim her life so early, what chance does a sinner like me have?? Why her? Why not me? I have no children... no husband... I'm no where near where she was spiritually.
I want to wrap myself in my sorrow and disappear until the pain stops. I'm searching for answers I will never get... I'm searching for some level of understanding - some meaning in this tragedy.
I understand that life is precious... we only get one. I try to live my life to the fullest... and will continue to do so with Amanda in my heart.
God bless,
*Mona*
Access: Public
You are NOT “selfish.” You are grieving. Give yourself all the time and space you need to go through the grieving process; it takes time, and patience. Be gentle with yourself. Find a source of support, be it friends and family, a grief support group, or a counselor or minister.
I do not believe God “takes” people as an act of punishment or judgment. I'm not going to pretend to have any great answers to why suffering and death exist, but the simplest answer is that it's simply part of the condition of living a mortal, embodied life. There may or may not be a greater purpose or plan behind it; I don't know. All I know is that God is with us and in all situations, not necessarily as a Great Fixer who will shield us from the hazards of being human, but as an abiding, loving presence who sustains us and who connects us all, one to another–here and hereafter.
I realize no words can possibly be adequate right now, and I apologize if any of this sounds presumptuous coming from someone you don't know, but I know very well what the shock of sudden death of a loved one feels like, and I had to at least try to give what comfort and support I could. Take care.
i am sorry to read of your loss. sending thoughts of gentle healing to you.